I was initially introduced to Capoeira a few years back in Chicago. My roommate BJ took classes at Gingarte Capoiera. I was just getting into spinning poi, and had seen videos of this guy, Zan, who does these crazy kicks and flips during while spinning. It reminded me of the Capoeira BJ did, and I began thinking of all the ways I could improve my poi. Capoeira seemed like it would really help. But I was busy with a million other things and it remained just a thought in my head.
Then I moved to Seattle and started working at Wasabi. Here Capoeira came up again. This time, in the form of a co-worker, Ninona. I told her I had always been interested, and she encouraged me to come. But it wasn't until almost a year later when a I was at a BBQ at her house and got to watch them play Capoiera in a roda (meaning circle, pronounced "hoe-da"). I was instantly captivated by the things they could do with their bodies. The flips and handstands and kicks and twirls and I don't even know what. The closest thing I could compare it to was break dancing, which indeed grew out of Capoeira.
At work the following week, I mentioned again to Ninona how interested I was. We made plans to go to class together that Wednesday night. It was intense and slightly intimidating, but really good. It was a big class that night, almost 20 people. We worked our bodies HARD. I tried to keep up but spent much of the class feeling slow, awkward, and slightly confused. But I tried.
My entire body was sore for days afterward. I realized what a great workout it was, and decided that Capoeira would be how I would get my body toned and in shape. I had already lost a lot of weight over the past year as I learned more and more about nutrition and how to have a balanced plant-based diet. Now my goal is to get in the best shape of my life. I want to push my body, be able to scale a vertical rock face and summit mountains and ride my bike 200+ miles. I realized that Capoeira could help me reach this goal.
I managed to go to another class the following week, a morning class. This one was much less intimidating, only 5 students. I got much more personalized attention and picked up on some moves faster. Very slow still, but faster than my first class.
I began to realize that there was something more important happening here. That I was recognizing personal barriers that I had set up for myself, such as being intimidated by performing in front of large groups of people, and of doing something in public I don't have a lot of confidence in. Every time I try something new, and in front of everyone no less, I feel these walls being chipped away at. I hope that eventually I will chip it enough that one day, the wall will crack spider web style and just fall away. And I will be free. Free to not be afraid anymore. Afraid of looking silly, like I don't know what I'm doing, afraid of what people will think, afraid I'm doing it wrong, afraid of so many little insignificant things.
The best advice I've gotten in Capoiera so far was from a fellow student, Michael. A tall and heavily muscled man with smooth dark skin and a playful demeanor, he and others had to practically push me into the roda to play. He smiled as they did so, saying, "No fear, no fear." It wasn't until a day later that I began thinking of the significance of that comment. And how right he was. Have no fear. Don't be afraid of what the others in the roda are thinking, don't be afraid of doing something "wrong" or badly. Everyone in this community is supportive and encouraging and want to see me succeed. Having my friend Jessi in class today helped me to see what I was like in my last class, hesitant to try the things I learned during that days class. Hesitant to try them in front of everyone, in a quick-thinking-on-your-feet situation. Sometimes I feel like I forget everything I learned the second I step in the roda and make eye contact with the person I'm playing with. But today was a bit easier. I can feel the walls beginning to crumble.
I want to learn more, and so I went on Mestre Curisco's website and read about "The Art of Capoiera." It was very interesting, but what inspired this post was the following line, which as soon as I read I knew that it was the reason I was led to Capoeira in the first place: "Today, Capoeira is practiced on every continent and continues to gain recognition as a means of liberation from the barriers people impose on themselves."
I will be participating in the Batizado this year. I want to be "baptized" into this community, receive a belt and meet other Capoeiristas, especially new ones. I want to remind myself that it's okay to be new at something. It's okay to try new things in a public setting. That no one is going to laugh at me. Unless I am laughing with them :)
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
No fear
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” -Buddha
NO FEAR. Remind yourself this every day, every moment, every time the anxiety threatens to push up and out, remember, 'there are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them' (Andre Gide). There is nothing to be afraid of. When you realize that every worry and stress you have stems from some kind of fear, fear of rejection, of being wrong, of what people will think, everything becomes clear. You can look rationally at every situation and think, how silly it is that I fear this. This is not something to fear. It is my new mantra. My "Om Mani Padme Hum." Reminding myself to have "No fear" will release and free my soul.
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” Mark twain
“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.” -Marilyn Ferguson
“The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.” -Buddha
"If you are dealing with fears and insecurities from old head programs, have compassion for yourself. Just love your insecurities, fears and resentments. Release and forgive them as they come up. Judging, beating or repressing insecurities just gives them power. Then you have a pattern that never gets resolved. Recognize that your real security is built from your relationship with your own heart." -Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart
"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows" -Japenese proverb
"The things which we fear the most in life have already happend to us." -Robin Williams, One Hour Photo
"Clarity is obtained when you can separate your sleep dreams, your fears, your fantasies and your reality." -P.J. Varsalona
"Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most." -Dostoyevsky
FEAR:
F--FALSE
E--EVIDENCE
A--APPEARING
R—REAL
-Veer Sharma
"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." -Marie Curie
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself. "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along."" -Elenor Roosevelt, You Learn By Living
"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." -Eric Hoffer
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." -Ambrose Redmoon
"It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the conquest of it." -Anonymous
"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." -Eddie Rickenbacher
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self." -Aristotle
"The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly." -Corra Harris
***I agree! My motto for a long time has been: "Fake it till you make it." If you act brave and confident and happy eventually you will feel it too :)
"The bravest sight in the world is to see a great man struggling against adversity." -Lucius Annaeus Seneca
"To dream anything that you want to dream. That is the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed." -Bernard Edmonds
"There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them." -Andre Gide
"We must face what we fear; that is the case of the core of the restoration of health." -Max Lerner
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - Frank Herbert, Dune. Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear
"Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success." - Brian Adams
"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding go out to meet it." - Thucydides.
"Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially scared me to death." - Betty Bender
"The fear of being wrong is the prime inhibitor of the creative process." - Jean Bryant
"The conquest of fear lies in the moment of its acceptance." - Unknown
"Anxiety is the poison of human life; the parent of many sins and of more miseries. In a world where everything is doubtful, and where we may be disappointed, and be blessed in disappointment, why this restless stir and commotion of mind? Can it alter the cause, or unravel the mystery of human events?" - Tyron Edwards
"If I can endure for this minute whatever is happening to me No matter how heavy my heart is or how dark the moment might be... If I can but keep on believing what I know in my heart to be true, That darkness will fade with morning and that this will pass away, too... Then nothing can ever disturb me or fill me with uncertain fear, For as sure as night brings dawning, my morning is bound to appear..." - Unknown
"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
NO FEAR. Remind yourself this every day, every moment, every time the anxiety threatens to push up and out, remember, 'there are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them' (Andre Gide). There is nothing to be afraid of. When you realize that every worry and stress you have stems from some kind of fear, fear of rejection, of being wrong, of what people will think, everything becomes clear. You can look rationally at every situation and think, how silly it is that I fear this. This is not something to fear. It is my new mantra. My "Om Mani Padme Hum." Reminding myself to have "No fear" will release and free my soul.
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” Mark twain
“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.” -Marilyn Ferguson
“The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.” -Buddha
"If you are dealing with fears and insecurities from old head programs, have compassion for yourself. Just love your insecurities, fears and resentments. Release and forgive them as they come up. Judging, beating or repressing insecurities just gives them power. Then you have a pattern that never gets resolved. Recognize that your real security is built from your relationship with your own heart." -Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart
"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows" -Japenese proverb
"The things which we fear the most in life have already happend to us." -Robin Williams, One Hour Photo
"Clarity is obtained when you can separate your sleep dreams, your fears, your fantasies and your reality." -P.J. Varsalona
"Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most." -Dostoyevsky
FEAR:
F--FALSE
E--EVIDENCE
A--APPEARING
R—REAL
-Veer Sharma
"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." -Marie Curie
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself. "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along."" -Elenor Roosevelt, You Learn By Living
"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." -Eric Hoffer
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." -Ambrose Redmoon
"It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the conquest of it." -Anonymous
"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." -Eddie Rickenbacher
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self." -Aristotle
"The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly." -Corra Harris
***I agree! My motto for a long time has been: "Fake it till you make it." If you act brave and confident and happy eventually you will feel it too :)
"The bravest sight in the world is to see a great man struggling against adversity." -Lucius Annaeus Seneca
"To dream anything that you want to dream. That is the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed." -Bernard Edmonds
"There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them." -Andre Gide
"We must face what we fear; that is the case of the core of the restoration of health." -Max Lerner
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - Frank Herbert, Dune. Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear
"Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success." - Brian Adams
"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding go out to meet it." - Thucydides.
"Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially scared me to death." - Betty Bender
"The fear of being wrong is the prime inhibitor of the creative process." - Jean Bryant
"The conquest of fear lies in the moment of its acceptance." - Unknown
"Anxiety is the poison of human life; the parent of many sins and of more miseries. In a world where everything is doubtful, and where we may be disappointed, and be blessed in disappointment, why this restless stir and commotion of mind? Can it alter the cause, or unravel the mystery of human events?" - Tyron Edwards
"If I can endure for this minute whatever is happening to me No matter how heavy my heart is or how dark the moment might be... If I can but keep on believing what I know in my heart to be true, That darkness will fade with morning and that this will pass away, too... Then nothing can ever disturb me or fill me with uncertain fear, For as sure as night brings dawning, my morning is bound to appear..." - Unknown
"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Writing through the writers block
Feeling the urge to write today, although I'm not sure yet what about.
I had my second Capoeira class today. It was soooo good. Last week I was sore for 3-4 days afterward. It's a total body workout. I hurt in muscles that I hadn't used in year, some I didn't know I had. And it felt delicious. Now I need to start learning Portuguese so I can follow along in class better. I must say that I am excited to learn more about a culture that I am sort of a part of. I say sort of because while I am part Portuguese, my family is from the Azores off the coast of Portugal, not Brazil. I would love to visit both and compare.
I have been in a weird sort of funk lately. It's been like the tides, although nowhere near as steady. The winter was isolated, Noah and I both holed up and were fairly anti-social for most of the cold season. But once it started to get warm, we began to come out of our concrete box and into the sunlight. We've been getting outside as much as we can, going on walks, meeting friends, and trying yummy new food (Habesha-amazing Ethiopian!).
I felt great after my yoga detox retreat. And felt great for weeks afterward. But then I began to sink into some old routines, and the glow faded. Lately my body has been feeling very bogged down, not a lot of energy, kind of anxious and almost angry at times. I need to make better health choices. I felt really good after last weeks Capoeira class, and feel awesome today too. I just have to keep going, every chance I get. I have to go to at least 2 a week to make my unlimited class membership worth it. Wed/Fri mornings and Sat afternoons will probably work very well for me.
Okay, I should really work now.
I had my second Capoeira class today. It was soooo good. Last week I was sore for 3-4 days afterward. It's a total body workout. I hurt in muscles that I hadn't used in year, some I didn't know I had. And it felt delicious. Now I need to start learning Portuguese so I can follow along in class better. I must say that I am excited to learn more about a culture that I am sort of a part of. I say sort of because while I am part Portuguese, my family is from the Azores off the coast of Portugal, not Brazil. I would love to visit both and compare.
I have been in a weird sort of funk lately. It's been like the tides, although nowhere near as steady. The winter was isolated, Noah and I both holed up and were fairly anti-social for most of the cold season. But once it started to get warm, we began to come out of our concrete box and into the sunlight. We've been getting outside as much as we can, going on walks, meeting friends, and trying yummy new food (Habesha-amazing Ethiopian!).
I felt great after my yoga detox retreat. And felt great for weeks afterward. But then I began to sink into some old routines, and the glow faded. Lately my body has been feeling very bogged down, not a lot of energy, kind of anxious and almost angry at times. I need to make better health choices. I felt really good after last weeks Capoeira class, and feel awesome today too. I just have to keep going, every chance I get. I have to go to at least 2 a week to make my unlimited class membership worth it. Wed/Fri mornings and Sat afternoons will probably work very well for me.
Okay, I should really work now.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Pensive thoughts
The ebb and flow of life never ceases to amaze me. Every time life begins to settle into a routine, something comes along and throws a stick in your gears, causing you to fly headfirst over the handlebars and straight into something you never expected. The friends you had yesterday are strangers today. The strangers of yesterday are now friends. Following ones path and allowing life to happen can be easier than you think. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and just let things happen.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3
I'm testing out some things I was thinking of adding to our website. One is a live chat Plugoo widget, and the other is a clock with local time in the destination country. Here is the clock, with local Bangkok time:
Bangkok |
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Following my path...making some turns....but always toward the same destination
This is the first time in my life where I truly feel like an adult. I have a job that I enjoy, that makes me feel happy at the end of the day. I am referred to as a colleague. I am no longer merely an "employee" that is looked down upon by upper management, but as a valued member of a team.
It's a great feeling.
Now if I could just get more commissions coming in I could quit my night job and join the rest of society during normal business hours.
I know I've changed a little. But not a lot. Sure, last summer I didn't own a single pair of heels, jeans, or a nice jacket, didn't drink coffee and slept all day. Now I work 16 hour days in heels, fueled by multiple cups of coffee, clothed in unfamiliar clothes. Kind of. I've been trying to blend my bohemian-hippie style with a more professional style, and it has kind of turned into what Noah calls "avant-garde artsty chic". I like it :)
My priorities have not changed either. At least, not long-term. My life goals are still the same: travel the world, be a nomad (with a home base), go to grad school, study glass and poi and anything else creative. But in the short-term, I need to pay off my debt and save money to enable me to achieve those long-term goals-and shouldn't I do it in a way that fulfills me? Even if I never see Noah anymore :( I keep telling myself-and him-that it won't be like this forever. Eventually the commissions will be steady and I can quit Wasabi.
I don't believe I mentioned what my new job is. Well, I'm the Director for Southeast Asia Travel for a local travel company here in Seattle. I feel like it blends my interests (and skills) in a way that no other job ever has. I believe in what we do, and I enjoy my job. It might not be the best time to be selling travel, but we will see. All I can do is give my best, and expect the best.
And that's just what I'm doing.
It's a great feeling.
Now if I could just get more commissions coming in I could quit my night job and join the rest of society during normal business hours.
I know I've changed a little. But not a lot. Sure, last summer I didn't own a single pair of heels, jeans, or a nice jacket, didn't drink coffee and slept all day. Now I work 16 hour days in heels, fueled by multiple cups of coffee, clothed in unfamiliar clothes. Kind of. I've been trying to blend my bohemian-hippie style with a more professional style, and it has kind of turned into what Noah calls "avant-garde artsty chic". I like it :)
My priorities have not changed either. At least, not long-term. My life goals are still the same: travel the world, be a nomad (with a home base), go to grad school, study glass and poi and anything else creative. But in the short-term, I need to pay off my debt and save money to enable me to achieve those long-term goals-and shouldn't I do it in a way that fulfills me? Even if I never see Noah anymore :( I keep telling myself-and him-that it won't be like this forever. Eventually the commissions will be steady and I can quit Wasabi.
I don't believe I mentioned what my new job is. Well, I'm the Director for Southeast Asia Travel for a local travel company here in Seattle. I feel like it blends my interests (and skills) in a way that no other job ever has. I believe in what we do, and I enjoy my job. It might not be the best time to be selling travel, but we will see. All I can do is give my best, and expect the best.
And that's just what I'm doing.
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