Happy here and now

Oh. My. God. I am so happy to be out of the harbor. I have escaped. Like my blog (years ago) "Inescapable hell that is the harbor. Intertwined in the lives of too many." I believe is what I said. Well...I escaped. I am no longer intertwined. I can start fresh, build the relationships I want. I don't have to worry about going out to a certain bar because I might run into Nick or someone else from my past that I don't want to see. There isn't anyone from my past I'd like to see except the friends I've kept. And they are all soooo intertwined. My friends love/best friend's sister dates a guy I went to school with that my ex is friends with. How did this happen? How is my ex friends with all these people I went to high school with? What's a better question, is, how did it take me so long to figure out what a jack ass he was. Shouldn't I have realized it when I found out he knew all these people that I knew (and no longer, well, never) liked? That whole crowd of assholes. All those people. All those people I grew up with. I never liked them. I just wanted them to like me. Now I know the whole thing was pointless. Trying to fit in with them. I was never like them. It's weird when I think of people like my friend who shall remain nameless, who is (and always has been) friends with all those people. She likes them. They like her. And why shouldn't they. She's a sweetie. She's also content in the harbor, living at her parents house with her kid, with no plans to leave. She doesn't want anything more, doesn't think that there is anything more. She's got it all, in her mind. In a way I envy her. She is happily ignorant in her bliss. She doesn't know any better. I suppose, to each their own. People want different things. Just goes to show how different I've always been. I've always wanted to get out of that town. I've always wanted to travel and do crazy things. I am never content. I've always thought that life can be extraordinary. That you can do amazing things with the time you have on this earth, in this life. You don't have to do the things that everyone else does. That is my main point. You can create your own values, your own path. You don't have to follow the well-tread paths that others have created for you and want for you. You can do what you want. What makes you happy. Maybe she is doing what makes her happy. She probably is. But the problem was, I wasn't happy. I was never happy there, with those people. I never fit in. I was an outcast my entire life. And now, finally, I feel like I'm home. I feel like I've found people I fit in with. And I love it.

Tonight we made thai red curry with vegetables from our garden, fried up some tofu and some rice, and some rice patty things, and used a maria shriver book to make our own mad-libs. Now, some members of my house are working on a puzzle our neighbors gave us while I write, others of us read, make art, and sit around the common room listening to the blues. I couldn't be happier, or wish to be anywhere else.